When Daddy's Away...

While I am away in Iowa suffering, laboring and enduring my last round of national board exams, Rock continues to do sweet stuff. DeAndra uploaded pictures of Rock, but decided that she didn't want to show me up with clever comments. So, I'm going to try and narrate what Rock is doing, even though I don't know what he is doing.

On this first one I'm going to assume that he wasn't happy with his English grade, and so he decided to show his teacher how hard it is to clean up TP from a front tree.

In this picture I think we can all agree that Rock is just enjoying not competing for Mommy's attention.

Here Rock is training Grandpa Dave to be his personal rickshaw.

Here Dustin is trying to blame that smell on Rock, and Rock isn't amused.

Rock likes his new dump truck, tractor and mixer pjs.

Here Rock is pointing at something.

Here Rock is reacting to the news that June has broken up with Artie

Here Rock is practicing his spoon flute solo.

Rock has is eating something on the table. I can only assume that it is the wing piece of a pterodactyl.

Earning his keep.

Looking the part.

Hmm...

DeA likes to look at pictures like this and ask me "What happened? You look so young and carefree back then. Why can't you look like that now?"
And I think to myself: I have a wife, a mortgage and over 100K in debts...and yeah, I'm sure this has nothing to do with it
If you are unsure what the definition of 'mischievous' is, just look at that smile.

Kenny Mayne, the Jigging Prego and Spaceman Rock

I recently had the opportunity to sit next to Kenny Mayne on my flight from Seattle. Here he is putting his luggage in the overhead container above his seat in first class, and the stewardess asking me to stop taking pictures of first class passengers with my phone.
Back in Oregon, DeA must be excited that I am all the way in Iowa. Why do you say that? Because she keeps dancing this cute little jig while I'm gone.





I found these pictures on my cellphone. It is Rock preparing to be launched into outer space, to infinity and beyond! Buckling him into his car seat is more work than the Apollo astronauts had to endure.

"Wait a minute, this doesn't look like Mars. It looks a lot like the Culver's drive-thru..."

The Little Red Hen: Rock Edition

If you haven't read the children's story The Little Red Hen, then I suggest that you read the Wikipedia version before continuing. Trust me, things will make a lot more sense.
Once upon a time there was a Grandma named Lisa. She found a Bosch mixer and said "My, I think I will make some delicious pumpkin cake."
She asked the little boy in the house if he wanted to help, and he said "No,

I'd rather go cruising in my sweet ride"


"Or I'd rather pretend to jam on my fake guitar."
And so Grandma Lisa mixed some ingredients in her Bosch mixer. After mixing some things, Grandma Lisa thought to herself "Hmm, I have some delicious pumpkin cake batter, I wonder if Rock will help me mix some more?"
Rock said: "No thank you,

"I'd rather laugh with my homies"

So, Grandma Lisa made her delicious pumpkin cake. She asked Rock if he wanted to help lick the frosting beaters, and Rock said "Sweet action sweet!"


The moral of the story: When you are at Grandma's you can sit and play and still enjoy yummy treats.

Rock's Heritage, Part I

Rock's nursery group had a lesson about family history. Rock was intrigued about his heritage, so that is what we will discuss today. Here is one of Rock's ancestors, Robert LeRoy Parker, also known as Butch Cassidy or Paul Newman.
He was a renowned horseman, business man, gun enthusiast and one of the biggest fans of shotgun-free stagecoaches in the west. That is where Rock gets his love of shiftiness and trying to take whatever he wants.This is Rock's great-great-great? grandpa, Major Howard Egan. He was a famous Pony Express rider, and that is why Rock likes to ride his trusty steed.
One of Grandma Lisa's great-great somethings once fell into a cistern, but since her skirt was so starched she floated and didn't die. That is why Rock loves water and showers. The exhibitionist side of him definitely comes from his mommy.
This is Rock's great-great-great-great-great-great uncle McKin Itup (not pictured: McKin Itup). He helped build the Salt Lake Temple by laying stones in the foundation. DeA's dad and grandpa both like to build too, so Rock has a strong background as a edifice maker.
This is Rock's somehow-has-to-be-related-but-not-sure-how Dan Jones.
He was a powerful missionary in England and had to stand on a box to preach in the town square. That is why Rock likes to climb up on boxes and tell everyone his opinion. He still can't read, so he doesn't know what missionaries preach. He still wants to tell people what's what, so he just climbs up and tells people about other awesome stuff, like Sourdough Jacks.


This is Rock's Great-Grandpa Leo. He worked the land to produce delicious produce. He also wore a hat that made people think that he was of Mexican descent, and that isn't so far off. His papi was named Carlos England, and Carlos is a spanish name.
Rock likes to embrace his pseudo-Mexican background by wearing the traditional garb that he has seen Mexicans wear.
He also honors his proud farmer heritage by tending to the corn.

Being a handsome farmer? That totally comes from his dad.
And just like his Grandpas Dale and Dave and Great-Grandpa Leo, Rock is no stranger to using heavy machinery. And thanks to his mommy he knows how to talk to animals and machinery in the strong language that they understand.

The Parkour Hour with Rock

Parkour is the art of extreme moving. It was pretty big a few years ago, before I was born. So, on today's episode of the blog, I present you with "Parkour: Conquering the Stairs with Style". I am your host, Rock England, and I am pretty awesome.
Parkouring the stairs first requires that one ascend up said stairs with style. I prefer the complicated four feet approach.
I may be smiling, but inside I'm a raging furnace of fiery determination.
Towards the top of the stairs, I switch to the difficult biped ambulation technique. Please, unless you are a stud parkourer it is best to leave this to the professionals.
You think you are hardcore parkour? You aren't hardcore parkour unless you can make prank calls while parkouring hardcore style.
Most of the style points that come on parkouring are scored while descending the stairs. Even though my moneymaker is my face, I prefer to come down headfirst. It shows that I am not intimidated by the fierce stairs.
Barrel roll. Always classy, always a crowd pleaser.
Limp baby, head first. Not easy people, I am really putting on a show here.
Oh, yeah, I just busted out the 180 rotational spread iron eagle.



Now that I have returned to the bottom of the stairs I can share with you the intense pressure and crushing intensity of Parkouring the stairs. It was pretty harsh, but I hope my performance has inspired at least one of you to rise above your normal realm of parkour so that you too may feel the joy of "Parkour: Conquering the Stairs in Style".
I'm your host, Rock England. We close tonight's blog entry with a montage of my post-blog routine. Good night, America.
Mmm...Henry's Vanilla Cream. This wasn't available in the Midwest, and so I may never forgive the Midwest.